More and more people feel confused, experience intense mental spiralling, emotional breakouts and physical pain and dysfunctions. The world we once knew all of a sudden is out of joint and we are doubting and questioning if the life we live is really all there is. “What is going on here and how do I get out of this?”
Get excellent grades, get the job, get the car, get the partner, get married, get the house, get the kids, get a better job, get a bigger car, get a bigger house…. This is what we are taught to believe how a successful life should be. But is that so? Why do we never feel happy and satisfied for long and the feeling of having to get something new comes back again and again? Is that really normal and the way it is supposed to be?
No, it is not. And this is why many of us feel so uncomfortable because the subconscious is coming through and whispering: “This is not the way to happiness and peace. You want something else.” Unfortunately, it does not speak in clear terms as we are used to from our rational mind. So we feel left alone with that question: “But, what do I really want and what am I here for?” And even if we know that we might rather be an artist, a handyman, a gardener or a healer, instead of a manager, a worker in a factory or a lawyer…
Our rational mind comes into the foreground immediately saying: “Oh, nice idea, but forget about that. You have a family to feed a house to pay for, a wife that needs new clothes every month, children that need the latest gadgets to still be cool in school…” And bam, our dream is dead before it even started. This little voice has a name: The ego.
The Bored Ego in the Modern World
The ego is a funny character but actually has a very important role: Protecting us when we are in real life danger. Imagine, we are walking through a jungle and all of a sudden a snake is in front of us, ready to attack, then the ego, which sits in the amygdala, a part of the hippocampus in our brain, is causing a fight or flight response in order to save our life. And that is very helpful in situations like that.
In our modern world, these situations rarely happen anymore, so our ego got bored and found other things to protect us from and causing fears in areas of life where we actually do not need them because our life is not in danger: “I am afraid of being a failure and not being good enough, so I do everything to please other people and live up to their expectations.”
Thus, in a job we do not enjoy, we work even harder to perform better and to get the career path and the promotion our parents could be proud of and we get the recognition we need to feel good – for a while. Step by step, we burn out, we get more and more depressed and it takes even bigger things to still make us feel good – for another while. Or in a relationship, we are doing everything to please our partner and we are happy in that moment when they smile at us and say “How sweet of you, I love you”, until the next fight, when we are playing the blame game and making each other responsible for our misery.
Like a junkie needing the next shot, we are searching for things in the material world that fulfil us and we wonder why we never get to a point where we feel we are satisfied and happy. And why is that? Because we act out of fear. Behind all of these needs are hidden fears. And all of them add up to one thing: the lack of self-love. We are not feeling good enough within ourselves, so we try to satisfy this need from the feedback and appreciation of others. We do not appreciate ourselves.
Everything Is Competition
And of course – in our society, we did not learn it. The opposite is the case: From a very young age on we were taught to have to be better, to be faster, to jump higher, to look better, …. Everything is based on competition. And, the industries, our governments and many of our religious leaders know very well how our ego works and how to best feed it. Pay attention when watching TV: The news broadcast tons of drama and tell us what went wrong in this world today, they hardly ever tell stories of all the good things happening every day on our planet. And in the commercial break, we are fed with messages telling us we are not good enough and we have to get this perfume and get this cool new device and drink this new fancy drink etc. to be cool and count… and then the latest series starts, and most of them are either showing us the evil of this world or the romance how the perfect life should be. All of this is food for our ego and that is where it pulls its energy from and keeps us in fear.
Here is the thing though: The ego was never meant to be in the lead. It was only meant to come out when there was something going on that really endangered our life. Our intuition, our heart and our soul are the true leaders that got banned more and more by the rationality that plays such a major role in our society. And why is that so? Because people living in fear are easy targets. They are easy to control and easy to make money with. Get the picture?
The Key: Ego Observing
Art by Gabriel Isak
But how do we find our way out of this? The answer is quite simple: We have to get rid of our fear patterns. Getting there is a little toughie though because that means we have to change our perspective and turning everything around in our head, challenging what we once thought was true. Instead of judging and blaming others for our misery, we have to take responsibility for our own wounds. We have to realize and accept that those that hurt us actually do us a favour. “WTF??? How should it be a good thing if someone hurts us?” This will be the first reaction of your ego….
But think a bit further after you have calmed down this little nasty voice inside your head: Those people actually show us a wound within ourselves that is not healed yet and calls for our attention. And we will be put in the same situations again and again until we get it. Only we can fix that. Nobody else. So instead of fighting the thoughts and emotions coming up, we should embrace them and say thanks to them for having taught us something. It is important to not identify with them. They are just energies running through us and do not define who we truly are.
Start observing your ego – this way, you automatically disidentify with it. And talk to it. Also here is the rule: Don’t fight it, but embrace it and treat it like an ailing person that is afraid to die.
A place where the ego cannot exist is the NOW. The ego jumps permanently from the past to the future and back, recalling memories and combining them with “should have’s” and projecting all kinds of fears into the future, coming up with wildest scenarios and “could be’s” that are quite ridiculous, when we look at them from a neutral perspective. If you bring yourself into the NOW, the ego automatically goes on a broadcasting break. There are many ways to get into the NOW, the important thing is to use our five senses instead of our head and to just feel instead of think. A walk or run in nature can make it easier in the beginning to experience and feel the moment.
Embrace Your Inner Child
Another very important energy source for the ego is the wounded inner child in us. Basically, all of our traumas and wounds have their roots in our childhood. Every time someone hurts us now in the present does nothing else but trigger our memory bank from the past when we were still a kid. That is why we often experience that we end up in the same situations and patterns again and again. We carry this low energetic fear frequency within us and – due to the law of attraction that alike energies attract alike – we attract the same stuff again and again – until we have resolved the fear pattern.
So working with the inner child is the fast track to healing our wounds. We can save a lot of money by not going to marriage counselling or career coaching. When we heal our inner child, we heal the rest because the root cause is healed. So get in touch with the little you often. Become best friends and give him or her what he or she needs.
Once this is done, all of a sudden life begins to change. We experience miracles, meet the right people at the right time, are not afraid anymore and we start going with the flow. Our health gets better because our energy is flowing smoothly again as blockages in our system have been released. And the best part of it: We really start to like and love ourselves. We realize how wonderful and unique we are and that we do not have to be like everyone else. Once we have mastered self-love, we master everything. Because then we are our true authentic self and we have learned to set healthy boundaries and put our own needs first. That is not egoistic but necessary to give our love to others without being drained. The former pleasing becomes a sharing. And we are naturally doing what we love. Our ego has evolved and has become a free spirit – without any doubts or questions.
About the Author:
Vera Ingeborg is an inspirational writer and energy coach from Düsseldorf/Germany. She teaches the language of energy and how to use it in daily life and supports people to overcome fears and old behavioural patterns to go for their passion and dreams. You can follow her work and her articles on www.thewakeupcall.eu and www.thewakeupexperience.eu